With You By My Side: Why It’s Not All About Me

One of the most common things you’ll hear while planning your wedding is how the bride is the only thing that matters on the Big Day. I was told several  times, “Who cares what he thinks/wants? It’s YOUR day.”

If that’s the system you and your partner came up with, that’s amazing. I am not here to put that down, nor am I judging you. I think everyone should do what works best for them.

Mr. Sea Monkey and I, however, decided to go about things differently. We worked together. That’s right, any final decision was agreed upon by both of us. Any ideas either of us had were ran by the other person.

Why don’t I just take charge and make it MY day?

1.) Marriage is all about working together. Planning the wedding is perfect practice, because everyone needs to be on the same page. That’s not to say you all have to agree on everything, but that you need to come to some sort of mutual conclusion eventually. A lot like marriage, if you can’t agree on something, work hard to come to a compromise.

An example of this for us was:

  • Videography: Mr. SM didn’t see the need to spend the money on it, and I did. Instead of me throwing a tantrum and saying we had to, or Mr. SM saying we can’t, I did some searching and came up with a great alternative. We both got what we wanted: video of our biggest day that doesn’t break the bank.

2.) You always have help on hand. I can’t tell you how many times I needed Mr. SM’s help so that I didn’t just go crazy and give up. We divided up the work so that one person didn’t gget burnt out or, if one person was stronger in one skill, we would divide up work that way.

Some ways we did this were:

  • Making the invites. Mr. SM did the actual design work and I put them together. I am a lot more crafty and he likes to do computer work, since he works with technology.

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Personal Photo

  • Making the fans. We switched on and off painting for a bit and then I did the sewing, since I went to school for that. Once we got into this rhythm, it went a lot faster. This was a project you could definite go burn out on easily.

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Personal Photo

  • Making the Willow Chair Clips. He cut the circles while I cut the spirals and sealed them. There were so many circles to cut out, so this system helped us finish a lot faster. He also helped me laugh, even at the most frustrating times.

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Personal photo of Mr. SM “helping” cut the circles. 

None of these projects would have went as smoothly, had I taken them on by myself. I also love the look on people’s faces when I say we made everything together.

3.) A wedding is about OUR commitment to each other. While yes, I’ll be wearing a pretty dress and people get excited over it, there will be my future husband waiting for me at the end of the aisle. This is just as much about him as it is about me. After all, there would be no wedding without him.

A lot of people tend to forget there is a second person who has been there the entire way. Mr. SM stuck by me, even when he didn’t have to. He works crazy hours sometimes, but was still willing to help me when we had to meet deadlines and all he wanted to do was come home and sleep. I love that we made the commitment to plan our wedding together and that he didn’t put it all on me.

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Photo by Katy Lengacher of Icarus Photography

Ladies, I encourage you to embrace your men if they are wanting to help. It felt so amazing knowing that Mr. SM and I worked together to get the day we’ve both always envisioned. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that the wedding is more than the beautiful bride. It’s the day you stand by your partner and share your vision with your loved ones. We started off working together and compromising, rather than bickering and arguing, and are so much closer for that. That’s an amazing feeling.

Any of you have very involved spouses? Did it help you guys become closer?

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